It’s April, we are 2.5 weeks into the season, and there’s still two big-name players who are unsigned (Dallas Kuechel and Craig Kimbrel) and enough other players to form a squad. I’m not saying we could create a squad of unwanted free agents that would make the playoffs, but there’s a chance they could compete a little. Let’s put this squad in Jackson, MS because there’s a lot of of minor league baseball in the deep south – but on the major league level, there is a Bermuda Triangle of nothing between St. Louis (Cardinals), Houston (Astros), and Atlanta (Braves). As for a team name, let’s go with the Jackalopes – because obviously this team will be as real as a Jackalope (which is very real!). Moving on, here’s your 2019 Jackson Jackalopes:
C – A.J. Ellis
Not a great start to a team when the first player listed has moved on to a front office position (with the Padres). He has played about 60 games each year for the past four years (he only played in 51 with the Marlins in 2017). In his 11-year career, Ellis has a .239 batting average while being an incredibly solid defensive catcher.
1B – Chris Carter
Yikes. The next player in the lineup is a guy who spent 2018 in the Minnesota Twins farm system. The other option was Pedro Alvarez, but Carter has had more career success and is only a couple years separated from a 2016 season in Milwaukee where he blasted 41 homers. The career batting average of .217 is not inspiring, but he has also hit 158 homers.
2B – Brandon Phillips
Phillips had a long career with the Cincinnati Reds that saw him make 3 All-Star squads, receive votes for MVP twice, and 4 Gold Gloves. Since finishing 2016 with the Reds, he has spent time with the Los Angeles Angels, Atlanta Braves, and Boston Red Sox. His career numbers feature a .275 batting average, 211 homers, 209 stolen bases, as well as 951 RBIs. During his career, he has never racked up less than 50 RBIs while playing a full season and he would need just 49 more RBIs to hit the 1,000 RBI milestone.
3B – David Wright
There were some younger options available on the market, but letting Wright have one last opportunity to end his career on a good note seemed more in the Jackalope spirit. Wright possesses a career average of .296 with 970 RBIs and 1,777 hits. The 7-time All-Star who finished with MVP votes in 6 seasons (4 of those he finished top-10) will bring a lot of experience and leadership to this team. The downside is that he is old and has battled major injuries on the back-end of his career, so he is mostly here to put fans in the stands and mentor younger players – such as…
3B – Dante Bichette Jr.
Yes, the son of 4-time MLB All-Star Dante Bichette Sr. and the brother of Toronto Blue Jays #2 prospect SS Bo Bichette. Dante Jr. was selected, in the first round, by the New York Yankees back in 2011. He has yet to see major league action, so the Jackalopes would be giving the 26-year old rookie his MLB debut. Most recently, Bichette Jr. spent 2018 with the St. Paul Saints in 2018 where he recorded a .310 average with 120 hits and 52 RBIs in 99 games.
SS – José Reyes
Despite having a disastrous 2018 with the New York Mets, Reyes has stated he is still actively trying to get back into the league. The Mets all-time leader in triples and stolen bases (would also be all-time leader in stolen bases of active players once the Jackalopes make him an active player again) would potentially provide a spark to the otherwise meh offense. Granted, this is assuming he can bounce back from 2018, but it’s worth a shot.
LF – Denard Span
Span is actually kinda decent. He split 2018 between the Tampa Bay Rays and Seattle Mariners. For his career, he has finished in the top-20 of the MVP race once (2014 with the Washington Nationals), a batting average of .281, 1,498 hits, and 490 RBIs – so he should reach the 1,500 hit and 500 RBI milestones within his first month in Jackson.
CF – Austin Jackson
After finishing 2nd in the Rookie of the Year race in 2010, Jackson spent the better part of 5 total seasons with the Detroit Tigers (spent 100 games with them in 2014 before being shipped to Seattle in a 3-team trade that brought David Price to Detroit, from Tampa). He brings in a career average of .273 along with 1,145 hits and 381 RBIs.
RF – José Bautista
Joey Bats coming to Jackson brings some pop to the plate. He brings 1,496 career hits (he and Span can fight to see who hits the 1,500 milestone first), 344 HRs, 975 RBIs (meaning him, Phillips, and Wright can fight for the first to hit 1,000), and a batting average of .247 for his career. He has four top-10 MVP finishes (two of the top-5), 6 All-Star selections, 3 silver sluggers, and 2 AL HR titles (2010 and 2011). Watch out for some bat-flips in Jackson, even though he is 38 years old.
Ace – Dallas Kuechel
Currently, Kuechel could sign with any team and slide right into their rotation. I don’t believe there is a single rotation that is 5-deep with pitchers better than Kuechel. There’s even some teams where he could take over as the ace in the rotation – I’m looking at you, Baltimore (Andrew Cashner – 5.28 ERA in 2019 and 5.29 ERA in 2018), Miami (José Ureña – 0-3 record with a 9.22 ERA in 2019), and the Los Angeles Angels (Tyler Skaggs – 4.38 career ERA with a 22-32 record). Kuechel has a career ERA of 3.66 with a 76-63 record and 945 strikeouts. Kuechel would be a surefire candidate for the 1,000 K club by the end of May with the Jackalopes.
SP2 – Bartolo Colón
Bringing Big Sexy onto the roster puts fans in the seats and the Jackalopes in the history books. Coming in with a career ERA of 4.12, a 247-188 record, 2,535 strikeouts, and one HR, Bartolo is a legendary pitcher. Even as a player who will turn 46 on May 24th, he has shown he still has some gas left in the tank. Just last season, Bartolo was locked in a pitchers’ duel with Houston ace Justin Verlander. Bartolo won this duel by carrying a no-hitter into the 8th inning and then the Rangers finished it up in the 10th inning to secure the W over the Astros. Bartolo has definitely shown signs of aging since he won the Cy Young in 2005. However, he finished 6th in the Cy Young race in 2013 (his fourth time receiving votes) and was named an All-Star in 2016 while playing for the New York Mets. In all likelihood, Bartolo would end up being a couple slots lower in this rotation after the All-Star break – but he would still bring a veteran presence and wouldn’t be the worst option for the Jackalopes rotation.
SP3 – James Shields
Shields definitely struggled in Chicago, and that explains why he is still available for Jackson to pick him up. He comes in with a career ERA of 4.01, a 145-139 record, and 2,234 strikeouts. Shields has finished with Cy Young votes in two seasons (2011 and 2013), most notably in 2013 when he finished in 3rd place.
SP4 – Yovani Gallardo
Gallardo comes in with a career ERA of 4.06, a 121-101 record, and 1,584 strikeouts. The problem is, he has yet to post a sub-5.4 ERA since 2015 (when he had a 3.42 ERA). However, it is also noteworthy that he has a career batting average of .201 with 12 HRs and 42 RBIs. Actually, he has homered at least once in every year he has played for an NL club – aside from 2014 (his final season in Milwaukee) and 2018 (no plate appearances in 2.1 innings pitched for the Cincinnati Reds).
SP5 – Doug Fister
Fister comes in with a losing record (83-92) but a decent ERA (3.72) for his career, along with 970 strikeouts. He and Kuechel would almost certainly hit the 1,000 K mark in the first half of the season. Despite a sub-4 career ERA, Fister has not recorded a sub-4 ERA since 2014 (2.41 ERA). Fister would be a solid option for last in the rotation – and solid is all you can ask for from this spot in the rotation of a team of rejects.
RP – A.J. Ramos
Ramos comes in with a 3.07 ERA, 99 saves (milestone alert!), and 426 strikeouts. It is likely that Ramos would get his chance to record that 100th save, but not many more after that – as he would not be the club’s closer (you’ll see why in a second if you somehow don’t know who it is yet). He wouldn’t be asked to do too much with his spot in the bullpen – so there isn’t really a chance to screw it up. He should be solid as a reliever for the Jackalopes – not great, but solid.
RP – Bud Norris
As of today, Bud’s potential deal with the Washington Nationals fell through which means he is still available to sign with the Jackson Jackalopes. Norris brings in a career ERA of 4.45 with 1,153 strikeouts and 47 saves. There’s a slim chance he reaches 50 saves, but pretty unlikely. Like Ramos, he would be a reliever but not a closer. Solid, but not great.
RP – Matt Belisle
I despise the fact that Belisle is one of the “better” options for this bullpen. He was atrocious for the Minnesota Twins last year (9.13 ERA while appearing in 25 games). However, he does have a career ERA of 4.32, 711 strikeouts, and posted a 1.76 ERA with the Nationals in 2016. But still, he has 14 career saves in 48 opportunities (yes, that is an absolutely cringe-worthy save percentage of 29.2%). Basically, the less Belisle pitches the better the Jackalopes will be. However, they can use him to eat up some innings and keep the better arms fresh when his pitching won’t change the outcome of the game.
CP – Craig Kimbrel
Kimbrel will obviously be one of the best players on this roster. He comes in with a career ERA of 1.91, 868 strikeouts, a 31-19 record, and 333 saves (14th all-time and 1st among active pitchers). He has received MVP votes three times (finished 8th in 2012), Cy Young votes five times (top-10 each time, and top-5 in 2012 and 2013), been named to the All-Star team 7 times, and has lead his league in saves 4 times (2011-14) and has been in the top-10 in saves the past 8 seasons (2011-18) and only one of those years was not a top-5 finish (finished 8th in saves in 2016). With a career save percentage of 90.7%, Kimbrel will be elite in Jackson.